the bribery attempt!!!

Christine says we glossed over the incident involving the bouncer trying to extort money (or possibly sexual favors...based on what I was told, he didn't specify that it was cash he was after!) in order for Steve (of the non-Caltrains variety) to gain entry into the Hawaiian Tropic Zone.

My apologies if this is inaccurate, but I was busy dealing with the whole "treating us like shit because we're dressed like assholes" situation.

From my understanding, Mike, Christine, and Steve were the last to enter the Hawaiian Tropic Zone for some hot MJ action. When Steve got to the front of the line, he presented his ID, which had expired 3 days prior to the incident. He also presented the DMV printout stating that his ID was valid, but the bouncer was having none of it!

Christine argued that they had used it at the airport and at casinos all day, so it shouldn't be any different at the HTZ. The bouncer was all, "oh hell to the N-O! It may be good enough for the casino that this very bar is located in, but we here at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone have standards! Despite these alleged standards, I might be able to make an exception for you, little lady (insert creepy wink here). If you take care of me, I'll take care of your husband!" SUCIO!!!

Needless to say, Christine, being the fine upstanding citizen she is, was shocked and appalled by the behavior and sucio-ness of the bouncer! She called suit guy over and demanded satisfaction! Which, in the case of Steve, was never received!

Christine joined us and enjoyed classy VIP status while Steve gambled away their life savings and diaper money in the casino. That seems fair.

I have no idea what happened after that, but I imagine it was sucio.

It should also be noted that while I was giving the "look, I know we're dressed like assholes, but..." speech, I also demanded that they let Steve in. Suit guy was all, "I can help you with this situation, but I can't even touch the bribery thing." Possibly because it was too...SUCIO!?!?!?!?!?!?

how we became VIPs

After Mike and his sister demanded satisfaction about Steve getting left outside due to a ridiculous ID discrepancy (and bribery attempt!), we all seated ourselves at what we knew was a VIP table. It was unattended, so we didn't care about its status and sat right down. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity waiting for a waitress to come take our order. Sensing that we were being ignored because of our magical attire, Dan decided to take matters into his own hands and went to the bar to order a round of Bud Lights.

What he came back with was most certainly not Bud Lights. They gave him 12 mixed drinks, none of which were the same thing. I was totally annoyed by this and went to find the nearest employee in a suit to demand satisfaction.



I talked to the guy that Mike and Christine talked to about the bribe and began making the "look, I know were dressed like assholes, but..." speech. Yes, it has a name, because I've made that speech before, and it resulted in 2 free drinks for everyone in our party. I told the guy that we were being treated poorly because we were dressed like magicians, and we had only come to this dive for the MJ tribute. I told him that the guy whose job it was to clear tables was totally rude to us and could have just asked us to leave the table instead of being all rude about it, and then told him about the ridiculous drink order. Those drinks they gave us were seriously undrinkable. I also told him that this event was advertised to include free sparkly gloves for the ladies, and everyone we had talked to seemed to have no idea that the MJ thing was even happening at all. I concluded by saying that they were obviously trying to get rid of us because our magician attire was cramping the style of their lame nightclub, and he assured me that he wanted us to stay. Despite this:



After about 5 minutes of painting ourselves as the victims of anti-magic discrimination, he offered us a VIP table free of charge, and a free bottle if we purchased bottle service (one bottle of Captain, please!). I told him I'd have to check with the troops, and I'd get back to him. Needless to say, the prospect of VIP status and two bottles of Captain were acceptable to the rest of the group, so we accepted.



When we were seated, we were told that we would be in the front row for all the MJ action, and some bikini-clad waitresses began mixing drinks for us. Now that's VIP service.

As the night went on, we all kept asking each other and whatever employee we could flag down when MJ would be performing. It was getting later and later and there was never any sign of Jacko! I made the mistake of asking the jerk who clears tables when it started and he replied, "you're asking the wrong person." What exactly is his job if he knows nothing about anything? I finally flagged down suit guy who told me, "the show's starting late because of the MMA thing," which made no sense because the MMA fight ended before 10:30, and it was now getting close to midnight.

There was a photographer sitting next to us, and I asked him if he knew what the deal was. He said the MJ impersonator was at some other hotel and was making their way to the rathole we were now obliged to stay in due to our VIP status. He looked really annoyed, as he had arrived before we did.

I flagged down suit guy again who said, "midnight, MJ will be on at midnight." Finally. Well, midnight came and went and there was no MJ, and suddenly, the photographer was gone. It wasn't looking good.

Randomly, some MJ music started playing, and the Jacko impersonator walked out and waved to the crowd from the walkway perched in front of the multi-screen TVs. I don't know what you call those things where a bunch of TVs form one huge TV. Anyhoo, as Jacko was waving at the crowd, the DJ was all, "just 40 more minutes!" What the deuce???

We were annoyed, but were willing to wait since we had taken the trouble to go all the way down there and argue our way into the VIP section. Mike, however, wasn't having it. And he was drunk. Right before MJ came on, Mike slurred, "I'm over it! I don't even care about Michael Jackson anymore! This is never gonna happen, I'm leaving."

The second he left, like seriously, literally the second he left, Jacko hit the little catwalk thing and began dancing and lip syncing and we all danced along wildly, waving our wands around and gettin' down. Oh, remember those "front row" seats? Jacko was performing mainly on the other side of the bar, which was where the photographer went. The Hawaiian Tropic Zone is full of liars! We got no gloves, and no VIP front row access! But we did at least get to finally see some Jacko impersonator action.

Amber said Jacko was a lady, and I argued that it was a dude who looked like a lady. This continued on our Deuce ride home, which totally deserves its own post.

Again, Shoot, Gabe, Mike, or Binh, please feel free to fill in the blanks!

Michael Jackson VIP night

I believe the evite said that if you're the type of person who likes to go to trendy night clubs then this trip isn't for you. Well that was a wrong, because as trashy as the Hawaiian Tropic Zone was, it is a trendy night club. Albeit in Planet Hollywood - the slut of the Las Vegas Strip (and that's saying something).

*note from Ginger: VIP tables and bottle service may not be in the spirit of STBE, but the way we ended up there definitely was! I demanded satisfaction, and we got it!


As mentioned previously we got not-deucedfaced by the weak drinks at the penny slots waiting for the UFC bout to end. Yawn. It ends and we waltz in at a quarter to 10pm - fifteen minutes before the MJ show, perfect. 10pm comes and goes and we're still watching a highlight DVD of homoerotic takedowns. The whole time Mike kept yelling, "Just make out already!"
Mike's brother-in-law (Steve? I'm bad at names.) was denied entry into the exclusive Hawaiian Tropic Zone (hereinafter HTZ) because his identification had expired last week and the state issued piece of paper stating it was in fact current was not enough for the bouncer. Sorry, you must be <21.


Well, extortion is an STBE tradition, but normally we're the ones threatening. So Mike wisely decides its time to speak to a manager. This is a problem, however, because Mike is dressed like a female circus ringmaster. Fear not, it is Las Vegas, and only the tourists are surprized by our silliness - the employees have seen much crazier/sadder lots than us.


Anyway Mike and sis go to the manager and explain the situation. Mike is trying to get some sympathy to get maybe-Steve in the (crappy) club. But his sister blurts out, "And then he asked for a bribe! Can you believe it!" At which point the manager switches from customer service mode to supervisor mode and shuts down. He no longer hears a complaint about a policy but a complaint about his employee. So he leaves to repremand the bouncer, and maybe-Steve never gets in. However, this may have contributed to the Demand for Satisfaction situation that came later (<-Foreshadowing!). I'll let Ginger elaborate.


Meanwhile, this was our Michael:

So those who called "she" win. Congrats. Here's what she looked like in costume (with a free glove we didn't receive):

Little Legends Still Around?

http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/events/ongoing/1027/

I don't see how they pack this much trash into one theater....



Also, this is apparently going on at the same time:

Magic's A Drag, starring Cashetta. Not sure if Pan-Asian Cuisine or midgets are provided.

So people need to update their damned websites. Maybe I should just check the Harmon Theatre's website. Hmm, seems it's the $44 drag magic show. Anyone care to wager how many disappearing/reappearing penis jokes there'll be in this mess? I ain't paying $88 plus convenience fees for two no matter how well served the pan-Asian buffet may be. And, sadly, this isn't a test-run like the Little Legends were. Then again, Vegas is in the pits right now with literally everyone being foreclosed on simultaneously. So maybe they'll bend to the STBE Demand for Satisfaction®, who knows?

Little Legends Replacement at Harmon Theatre

It's $39.95 for a 3-course Pan-Asian Buffet served by drag queens. How a buffet is 3-course or served is beyond me. I trust Ginger to get that down to $15 per person. Either that, or we'll skip having some fake Asian, (100%) fake titties in our real faces and go to something similarly trashy, but cheaper. I am convinced that the Harmon Theatre is the worst theater in the world.

Here's the link: http://www.luckychengsrestaurant.com/lucky_chengs_vegas_show2.html

WARNING: May not exist anymore. Then again, that's true of anything in Vegas.