Monday, August 31, 2009

this is apparently what we missed on Saturday afternoon

TMZ has posted a photo gallery of the Jon Gosselin d-bag pool party at Wet Republic at the MGM Grand. We decided not to go once we found out the cover charge was $20 for the ladies, and $50 for men (douchebag or otherwise).

We had our own pool party on the rooftop pool at Binion's. Or as we referred to it in the exaggerated band accent, "Bioio". You have to hear it to understand it. It sounds almost cajun. Beeaw-yeeaw? But really fast. Anyhoo, we rolled a cooler full of beer up to the pool with us and had tons of fun minus douchebags covered in Ed Hardy clothing.

quick blog before I have to go board

I'm at the airport and should probably go to my gate since boarding starts in 10 minutes. Super exciting post!

That is all.

My Most "Mature" STBE Ever

Here's a rundown of Sunday - We took the longest Deuce ride ever. It stopped everywhere for at least 5 minutes, whether it needed to or not. Gabe was angry. and hungry. We got off at New York New York and decided to walk to the Buffet at the 'Bur, which was much better than the one at Main Street Station. I didn't find my Gladiator this time, but we made our way to Rum Jungle and found our McSteamy look-alike bartender. We asked for three Volcanos and he said "Oh, you guys know about those!?!" That drink was definitely not WEAK!

After a much needed nap, we went to Tony Roma's for dinner and I ordered the steak and lobster special. I was ready to get Binhligerent, but was starting to feel a little sick from the mystery steak. Everyone called it a night early, and I didn't have my sausage burrito until this morning. It reminded me of last year's STBE, so I threw it away after having two bites. Good times this was nice to see that there were other people who were more deucefaced than I was.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Emergency landing

The shooter flight had broken air brakes. So we had to emergency land
in... Las Vegas!

So we've spent all afternoon drinking and sitting on the floor.
They're boarding us on a supposedly non-broken plane.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Gaucho VIP

This is ridiculous and must be explained later by someone more sober
than I. Deuce-deuce oh-deuce, bitches!

Mike demands satisfaction

Millions for booze, not a dime for bribes! Douchey bouncers be warned.

Evening plans for Saturday


To deuce again.

The deuce is loose

Magic night

Gabedalf the velvet at the lunch counter.

Ballin on the roof

At the "byioyio."

Binh's got fireworks on ner feet!

By now, you've gotten a little taste of the action last night. Binhligerent was out in full force with glowstick flip flops and a giant toof. My bad, Binh says, "that was just a warmup last night! I'm not at full force yet!" Look out! "Not until we go to McDonald's!"

Anyhoo, we're off to a fancy $10 champagne brunch at the Main Street Station (where we hopefully won't get sick). I'll try to post some pictures later. I owe you guys a post about our $32 room and how it compares to the room at Caesar's.

Binh and Shooter say hi!

catching up

Mike and I wrote a blog at 2am on Friday morning, but we didn't have any internet access, here are our thoughts:

Mike and I went out shortly after he got here and hit up Casino Royale for some cheap beer. We then headed back to Caesar’s since it would be our last chance to hang in the casino for any length of time. We hit up (naturally) the penny slots and the drink service was HORRIBLE! The waitress wouldn’t take my order and said she’d be right back. Fast forward 30 minutes later, and I still had not gotten a drink. I was all, “I’m a guest here, do I need to whip out my Bill Compton room key and say ‘COMP me a TON of drinks!”? Mike and I thought that was hilarious.

We later found another set of penny slots where we were COMPed a TON of drinks. The lady brought us 2 bottles of champagne each! Ow! We told her we were thirsty, and she listened! SATISFACTION!

Mikes's thoughts:
Interesting sightings of the night: a guy at McDonald’s that Ginger said had a “Standard” haircut. I didn’t know what that meant, but he definitely looked “special”. Apparently “Standard” means the standard haircut for the mentally challenged. Which was totally true in his case. Lots of other totally sick mullets later, we spotted a dude with some curly kind of hairdo that looked like Mick Foley aka Mankind. That dude was the spitting image. Until he opened his mouth and showed that he still had all his teeth. Oh, and back at McDonald’s, Ginger was appalled at the behavior of some family who all stormed the counter shouting and waving their receipts. She said it was like watching trading on Wall Street. I said they were probably just Persian. (Is that racist? Oh well.)

Sugar twin powers.....


Doing the biiiinh

Mrs. Shooter drunk dials dirty niiiiikki

From the mer'aids.


Ginger and the patriot league got the slots fever. Kate Gosslin hair
serves up the "Morgan and cokes". And STBE got its first fan of the
night - a drunk. We appreciate you.

Friday, August 28, 2009

CAT 109A in fact real


In the event of a water landing...

Detach your floatation device from the rapidly sinking aircraft with
that Bowie knife you snuck through security.

Blogging on the go

Testing my mobile blogging skills. I'm at the airport, getting ready
to head out to las Vegas! Though, I work at the airport so my being
here is hardly noteworthy.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thursday in Vegas

Gabe took off at about 8 this morning and I cleaned up a bit in the room (it looked like my bag exploded) while deciding what the hell I was gonna do for food. Nothing at Caesar's is cheap, there's no free WiFi to be had anywhere on the premises, and I really didn't feel like walking anywhere in the heat. In the process of organizing everything, I realized I had left my Nascar/Dale Jr./Budweiser boxer shorts at home! Now I need to find more "patriotic" pants for tomorrow night! I'm sure I can find something.

Anyhoo, I finally cleaned myself up, pushed the "service please" button (yes, they don't do "do not disturb" tags at Caesar's), and headed toward the Palazzo, where I heard there was free WiFi to be had at the First Restaurant and Bar. It's pretty pricy, but if I can blog here, I guess I'll pay a little extra. Plus, I'm relaxing today.

I ordered a PBR right away because, well, they have it on tap. It's like some sort of rule of life that if a place has PBR on tap, you have to order it. Look it up somewhere. The bartender totally forgot to take my order, but was apologetic when I walked up to the bar to order a "Tommy Burger" (a build it yourself deal, which is perfect for people like me who don't like much on their burgers). I even took a picture of it, a la Kathy with a C and her burger blog). The burger (that I'm currently eating) is delicious. Very good meat, cooked perfectly on a nice bun. The fries are thin, similar to the ones you'd get at Claim jumper, but sprinkled with Parmesan cheese, which wouldn't be my choice, but they're good anyway.

I'm really not doing anything of interest right now, so I'll finish my lunch, get another beer and add some pictures.

Sorry, I'm not doing anything interesting while on my own! I had a couple of beers, though, we'll see what happens! I'm heading back to the Palace now so I can go swimming and watch TV from the shower again.

By the by, the PBR is only $3 a pint here, not bad for a drink in an actually classy place on the strip.

Ginger in Vegas

She's already begun the Sugar magic. Surely she'll be updating soon.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

livin' it up at Caesar's!

I can't believe the things rich people pay for! TVs built into bathroom mirrors! Phones by the toilet! Automated curtains! Giant flat screen HD TVs with less than basic cable! Anyhoo, below are some thoughts I jotted down last night whilst hanging out in my internet-less room. Well, it could have been internetful had I thrown down $15, but who the hell pays for internet?

My flight was pretty good. I got on the plane armed with 4 Southwest drink coupons (it’s a short flight, I wasn’t planning on getting more than 2 drinks) and was excited when the drink menu listed Bud Select! My favorite! I quickly ordered one and handed over the coupon to the fabulous flight attendant. He was hilarious. Before we took off, he told us to sit back and relax…or lean forward and look tense. He came back about 15 minutes later and asked if I wanted another one. Feeling pretty buzzed (I don’t drink on planes, but it was free, so what the hay), I said I could do another one. He quickly returned and told me, “this one’s on me” when I tried to hand him my coupon. Let’s hope that’s a good omen for the weekend! I tipped him a fiver on the way out and told him he was fabulous.

Once on the ground, I grabbed my bag and headed to the shuttle stop with my CLS shuttle company token from 2 years ago when they forgot to pick me and Mike up from the Vegas Club and we were forced to take an expensive cab ride to the airport in order to make it on time. I expected them to put up a fight, but they took my token and sent me on my way. The driver waited until the shuttle was full to take off, but it still didn’t take too long.

When I got to the hotel, I checked in and was told I had to put down a $200 deposit on the room. I immediately protested because it’s supposed to be a free room, so the lady put a $100 deposit on the room and told me to make sure I didn’t touch anything in the mini bar so I wouldn’t get charged. I also noticed that Bill Compton from True Blood seems to be on the key card for my room. And the woman he is with is most certainly not Sookie Stackhouse!

I'll try to take a better picture later, and edit it right away. For some reason, I can't rotate the image. And I held the camera too close, but trust me, it's totally Bill Compton.

The room, upon first inspection, didn’t look all that impressive. Two beds, a desk, and a square-chair, meh. There’s a big flat screen TV, but there aren’t that many channels (I know, I’m supposed to be out gambling, but these are my bonus days where I plan to do nothing but laze around). The bathroom is impressive, though, there’s a nice tiled shower with two shower heads and a bench, but I don’t recommend sitting on it. I tried to and immediately decided it was an accident waiting to happen (I took a shower so I could watch the TV that is built into the mirror while I showered). There’s also a phone next to the toilet in case you REALLY need to make a phone call. That’s how you know the room is fancy.

I went and grabbed a quick lunch and a couple of beers across the street (luckily, Caesar’s is across the street from cheap alcohol Meccas O’Shea’s and Casino Royale) and came back here to eat and watch junk on TV.

Gabe got here around 8, which was about the time I figured out that the WiFi in the lobby wasn’t free. How rude! You’d think with all the conventions in this town, there’d be some free WiFi somewhere.

Anyhoo, Gabe had just driven for like 10 hours, so we went across the street to O’Shea’s and had Burger King for dinner, then left when we decided we couldn’t stand to be around the frat boys playing beer pong in the background. We went over to Casino Royale, bought a couple of Bud Selects (thasright!) and sat down at the penny slots and played a couple of bucks so we could collect on a “free” cocktail while we played. We didn’t stay long, because we were both full and tired, so we headed back and watched Mythbusters before going to sleep.

I'll throw up some pictures later, but for now, here's this while I post in real-time at a bar at the Palazzo.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Saywhat?! Pillow Fight Club

Bless you Las Vegas, bless you....

Oh wait, it's a stupid indie concert at some "ironic" bar/cafe by the El 'ortez. Lame... Nothing more than some Dr. Martin wearing wallet chain eye-liner Arrah's ex-girlfriend crap. "Oh look at me, I'm a tragic personality like Amy Winehouse... or at best I'm a Gwen Stephani-esque poser chick." BORE!

Wait, what's this Beauty Bar Austin?

HELL YES! That's a fight club!* Check out the guns on Femullet there. She's definitely a regular. Poor chick on the left may have size, but she's ill equiped for this battle.

Let's take a look at the rundown. Fishnets? check. Jorts? check. Bemused latino in a position of authority? check.

This could be a lesbian pillow fight club! The spirit of Shooter '94 that used to live in my brain is now riling in pain on the floor from his head exploding. Reality can only disappoint, but I figure we have to try. A free battle of bepillowed lesbians in a bar with some Modest Mouse cover band sonically pooping in the background - that's as STBE a thing as I can think of. Hell, we might be able to field a team!

*Screw you hipster dork for uploading these pictures in sepiatone. The '50s were filled with terrible music and racism. Stop pretending like Grease is a moral compass and join the 21st century. It's cool here, we have iPods.

start counting down!

STBE is on Friday! Revelers begin arriving on Wednesday for pre-STBE R&R&B! How can you stand the excitement???

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Qing and Kween of the...

Mike and I have been Qing and Kween (the klassie spelling) of many hotels in the past. Those hotels were easily 'bbreviated, while Binion's just doesn't seem to have a natural 'bbreviation. "The Bin'" just doesn't feel right, nor does "the 'ion's". And it's not Binion's Horseshoe anymore, so "the 'shoe" is out. So what are we to call our Qingdom this time?

Previous Qingdoms: The Strat', The Fiiiitz, The 'dust (yeah, we're old skool), and the Club.

I'll be realistic here with my request based on who I think actually reads this. Shooter, whattaya got? If anyone else reads this blog, feel free to weigh in! I kind of need a name by the end of the weekend so I can decorate our crowns with puff paint.

Maybe we'll see this in Vegas.

Tonya Harding Dances -- Whyyyyyyyyyy?!

It's too bad we don't go to fancy high-priced nightclubs!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Binion's Ranch Steak House

Ryan was telling me that our very own Binion's Hotel and Casino has a steak house on the premises. I know it's a little out of character for STBE, but wouldn't it be cool to have a fancy steak dinner with a 24th floor view of Las Vegas?
Here's a scary bit of information: their signature dish is a chicken fried lobster. Really? That sounds outrageous, but I wouldn't go near it. Bring on the porterhouse! This might be just the way to spend those jackpot winnings.

Better sign idea

Already been done:

But seriously, wouldn't it be sweet if he did?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Hangar 18

One night only, August 29, free Megadeth Tribute Band in Las Vegas! This is pretty much exactly what I wanted:

I say "pretty much" for two significant reasons.

1) Hangar 18 is the name of a song. There's no clever pun there. That could be forgiven if not for number 2 (and if the picture rocked harder).

Nice Try.
2) This is significant. They are playing at the Santa Fe Station Hotel and Casino. Never heard of it? That's because it's not even in Las Vegas - but in North Las Vegas on Rancho Road, near the corner of Boring and Whogivesashit (incidentally the names of most streets not named Las Vegas Blvd.).
So my hunt for a Purple Reign replacement in my life continues. Why'd you have to go all the way to Mandalay Bay on Sundays, Jason Tenner aka the flamboyant-gay-man-currently-pretending-to-be-the-artist-formerly-known-as-Prince? Hmm? Value your free time too much?

I just want some extra time, and your deeneeneeneeneeneeneeneenee,

I never thought I'd miss the Boardwalk.


Sign idea dump

Feel free to add comments (all 3 of you).

Here are a few ideas I have for signs for the Patriotic night:

Freedom (and Health Care) isn't Free!

Read our signs! Read our signs!

Sarah Palin for Supreme Leader!

No Taxation without Reprah... repersun... NO TAXES

Beck/Coulter 2012 (can't top that one)

This outrage is spontaneous and grass roots©!

Suppressed homosexual tendencies make me angry!

Beer better than water to beat Vegas heat

Grenada University completed a study that claims that healthy people who do vigorous exercise in high heat are better off drinking both beer and water than water alone. It seems the bubbles help the body process water more quickly and refresh the blood and cells with that important H2O. The bubbles apparently help hydration more than the alcohol inhibits it. Leave it to the Spaniards to justify cerveza on a hot day.

Also, as Stephen Fry points out in the video below, though alcohol and caffine are diuretics, they are in such small doses compared to water in all the forms we enjoy, that they actually hydrate us when we drink them.

So, stay away from high calorie sugary drinks of varied alcoholic content and tap the beverage the fucks you up and keeps you going - BEER!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Real Patriots Defend Freedom

As the Gaucho Pep Band can attest, there is no better defense of freedom than the hastly scribbled 2'x3' poster board sign! DON'T TREAD ON ME!
I'd suggest that we parody these signs, but it is impossible to make any greater mockery than they already are:

Take the time to read the words at the bottom. It's the little things in life that bring us such joy.

Oooh, there's a "don't tread on me" flag in the corner there. I called it!
This one might be my favorite!

So that yellow sign recalls Thomas Jefferon's famous quote, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is it’s natural manure." Maybe they both kill? After all water boy has a gun on his hip.

Ok, that might be too heavy for Vegas, so how about something lighter?


theme night thrift shopping

Mike came over today and we did some shopping for STBE.

Our first stop was Thrift Town. We initially thought that giant pants would be hard to come by, but we found some suitably large pants right away. We then tried to find "patriotic"-wear, but weren't having a whole lot of luck, so we decided to look for some magic stuff. I found a velvet rose, and Mike found a rabbit beanie baby. After that, we headed over to the children's costume section where we hit the jackpot!

Here, Mike is modeling a child's tuxedo jacket with blue sequin lapels. Very fetching. But it didn't end there!

We also found a vest that has a faux-tuxedo front, complete with red bowtie and matching cummerbund. My mom's going to make some alterations to the clips at the back of the neck so Mike will be able to breathe. Mike found a twofer! A "patriotic" magician outfit! All for only $4.99!

We continued to wander the store and found an interesting homemade costume. I thought it was a clock, but Mike didn't believe me. I showed my mom the picture, and she agreed, it's Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast.

Clock twins!

After we left Thrift Town, we decided to hit up Toys R Us in search of some magician stuff, but left empty-handed. We asked some dude where the magic stuff was, and he pointed us to the "imagination section," which prompted us to start singing the Imagination Song from South Park. He also directed us to about 5 different stores where we could also find magic stuff and then offered to do magic tricks for us. Mike got us out of that situation by saying, "Thanks!" and turning around. It reminded me of that scene from Wayne's World where the security guard (played by Chris Farley if I'm remembering correctly) "had an awful lot of information for a security guard."

Anyhoo, needing more "patriotic" gear, we headed to ground zero, aka, Walmart. We were pretty disappointed in the "patriotic" gear they had in stock. Though, they did have a particularly xenophobic shirt that said, "America: This is our land." Mike and I thought the only way it could be worse was if it said, "now get the fuck out!" I thought that could be easily remedied with some puff paint. I ended up deciding on a less offensive shirt, but do plan to add, "now get the fuck out!" to it, anyway. Because nothing's more patriotic than telling people from strange lands to get the fuck out.

We also saw this lovely number:

And this 49ers hat that made me look like I had a mullet:

Also, Bubba Paris was there, signing books or something. Hardly anyone was going up and getting anything signed. I yelled, "Bubba!" when we walked in and he pointed and waved. Woo. Thrilling.

Mike didn't end up getting anything there, and I left with a patriotic (soon to be "get the fuck out of here") shirt and some Dale, Jr. Budweiser boxer shorts that I got for a buck fifty. Some lazy employee marked them as a clearance item even though they weren't. Stickin' it to the man!

I'll try to take pictures of the rest of the stuff I got later on. Until then, enjoy Mike's fabulous outfit!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Kate wigs...

I was telling Lundy that I was upset about the Kate Gosselin wigs not being available until October (you can pre-order, but they won't ship until 10/10) and she asked what my backup plan was. My first thought was to look for some cheap Ed Hardy (or equivalent douchey knockoff)shirts, but then thought, "I only have one fatsuit, and I don't really want to pack it or smell it after wearing it in Vegas in August."

Then I came up with a brilliant idea! Go get a long blonde wig and go to town on the back of it with some scissors! Lundy then reminded me of the Barbie incident: when I was younger, my sisters and I played with Barbies all the time. We lost the Ken doll, so we thought that we could perform a sex change on one of the millions of Barbies we had not lost. Needless to say, we learned a lesson about doll hair that day. But we didn't stop there, we chopped her boobs off, too, only to find that she was hollow. We taped (yes, taped) the boobs back on (with scotch tape), and I came up with the genius plan to glue the hair onto a small easter egg half to fashion it into some sort of wig helmet. Our mother was not pleased, but it's one of the funniest things I remember doing with my sisters.

Anyhoo, after that warning, I looked up "make a Kate Gosselin wig" and found this link. I think this could be a fun group project! Everyone, go out and buy a cheap blonde wig, and we'll chop and spike up the backs of them in the hotel room!

Because I'm bored, here's a diagram of this excellent plan:

sad news

The Kate wigs aren't available until 10/10. LAME!!!

Move along, nothing to see here...

Some Las Vegas History For You

A couple of weeks ago, I ran across a historic factoid here in San Francisco sure to get you in the mood for STBE. In fact it is California Historical Landmark No. 937 - SITE OF INVENTION OF THE THREE REEL BELL SLOT MACHINE. The plaque reads:
Charles August Fey invented the first coin-operated, three-reel slot machine in San Francisco in 1895. Fey continued to manufacture the popular 'Liberty Bell' gaming devices in a workshop located at 406 Market Street from 1897 to 1906, until the workshop was destroyed by the 1906 earthquake and fire. The international popularity of the bell slot machines attested to Fey's ingenuity as an enterprising inventor whose basic design continues to be used in mechanical gaming devices today.
Located on the north side of Market street between Bush and Battery streets, on an unassuming traffic island in front of a parking garage. Who knew?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Jon - Kate and their 8 + 11 STBE revelers

I got a hot tip that Jon Gosselin is hosting a pool party at Wet Republic on the 29th. Lundy suggested we either get Kate wigs or wear d-bag Ed Hardy clothes and fatsuits.




= free (we think) STBE fun!

Brian, Stephanie, Jose, and I each signed up for the guest list +3, so we're all set! If we get there and they're charging admission, we'll be right across the street from Dick's Last Resort where we can get all you can drink Bud Light for $20. I'd rather pay for free flowing beer than to pay to get in to see an early onset midlife crisis case...and then pay $20 a drink on top of that.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Big Elvis

Sadly, we "shoots" will be denied 400 pound Elvis Presley, but some of you early birds can hit up Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon (formerly Barbary Coast Hotel and Casino) Monday-Friday at 3, 5, and 6pm. There you will find, Pete Vallee "Big Elvis" doing his free one hour show.

Are you like a Shooter and won't be on the strip by 6pm? Fear not! You can watch his promo video below.

The Big Elvis Show- Live From Vegas