Hotel review: Biff's

We were excited to check out Biff's this year after a complete overhaul using all of the interior furnishings from the stalled Fountainbleau project on the Strip.

Let me say this first: we stayed at the Plaza before and it was pretty bad. Stained carpets, mildewed bathroom, but the rooms are very spacious. We asked for South Tower rooms since all reviews online said that is the newer tower. The bellman told Jose that both towers got the same upgrades, so basically there would be no difference. Also: outside, the marquee read "Voted Downtown's best hotel in 2011!" We all know the best Downtown hotel is the Nugget, so we laughed and said we couldn't wait for them to prove it. At the front desk, we were given a sizable coupon book, most of which we didn't use. We also found that internet access was "free." It totally wasn't. As we learned, most of their website is a lie. First, the website implies that there are two rooftop pools: the South Tower has a pool on the 5th floor, while the North Tower has a pool on the 7th floor. Nope, just the same pool with different entrances. The website also makes mention of a miniature golf course inside a bar featuring dollar domestic beers (that bar doesn't exist anymore). Finally, the website boasts "no resort fees." Upon check-in, everyone was charged $10 a day, which included internet access and two bottles of water. Oh la la!!! I believe Ryan and Stephen planned on sending a strongly-worded letter complaining since their receipt even read, "no resort fee."

Anyhoo, when we checked into our room, aesthetically, it looked a lot better. New carpet, new wallpaper, new bedspreads, flat screen TVs, new lamps, and a desk, presumably for the high-powered businesspeople that Biff's will surely be attracting.

One of the first things I noticed was how flimsy the TV was. And it was pretty small for a TV purporting to be from a five-star Strip hotel (that stands 3/4 built toward the end of the Strip). Next, there was a gaudy lamp on the nightstand, so large that only one of us would be able to see the alarm clock (I forgot to mention that as a plus, since the last time we stayed there, none of our rooms featured such a luxury item). It was also plastic and cheap; again, I call bullshit on it being from the Fountainbleau.

The TV stand was to double as a dresser, but there were only two small drawers in it. It really wasn't of any use. Usually, we unpack and put our clothes in the dresser to conserve floor space from when we end up throwing costume parts all over the place, but it wasn't really worth it since we'd only be able to put a couple of things in it anyway. The desk was also unimpressive, and for a room featuring two queen beds, we wondered why there was only one chair. The bathroom had been re-tiled and in the sink area, there was some trendy rectangle-shaped sink placed on top of the counter (making it awkwardly high when I was washing my face). The shower/tub/toilet area was as tightly-packed as I remembered and still smelled like mildew (which tells me that they just covered the problem instead of fixing it). Why, with all the floorspace, would they not try to increase the bathroom space? There was plenty of room to spare in the living space without sacrificing too much to expand the bathroom/closet area.

It wasn't all bad, I mean, it was a vast improvement of what it was, and we only paid like $50 a night for an August weekend. If Biff's gets a big head, though, and tries to charge as much as the Nugget does (still not bad at about $90 a night), they won't have many customers coming back. For the price we paid, it was about right. The lobby looks like it benefited the most from the Fountainbleau's furnishings, as Jose and I noticed that the furniture there was much nicer than what we saw in our rooms. Kim and Stephen and Ryan each had king rooms, which featured a love seat, which may have legitimately come from the Fountainbleau, but the lamps and other accents could not have been (unless that's why it went belly-up). We did like the view of the Strip we had from our room and more than one of us commented that we wanted to steal the old-school over-sized print of the Plaza from the old days when Downtown was the Strip.

At the end of the day, it's still Biff's. I forget who said this in the last election, but you can put lipstick on a pig, and it's still a pig. I'm also not sure what they're really going for because they claim it's the best Downtown hotel, but they're hell-bent on being trashy, too. Their steakhouse features the headline "Beef, Booze, Broads," and it promises that said "broads" will stroll around the restaurant pretending to be interested in the things you have to say. The new club/bar that the website advertises as having a 9-hole miniature golf course has already been (half-way) re-branded as "The Drink," featuring $.25 shots every hour on the hour. We don't know what was in the shots we had on Saturday night, but we're pretty sure Four Loko was involved, given the random burst of energy we all experienced after drinking them. Hash House A-Go-Go describes its food as being "twisted farm food," and the hotel still features a food court (McDonalds, Subway, and an over-priced but decent taqueria). A pleasant surprise for us was "Pop-Up Pizza," which, despite its name, is a permanent structure in the hotel. The pizza was good and affordable, they had awesome garlic knots, and the lady who ran the place was very nice. It was also right next to the elevator bank, so they really did well with the location, haha. The hotel also features a hair salon where the stylists wear bikinis. Kat got her hair cut in there, and I'm not sure what she thought about it.

It's trying to separate itself from its sister property, the Vegas Club by pricing its drinks differently (usually, all hotels in the same group feature the same drink specials; this is the first time I've noticed a difference in pricing). The Vegas Club called us in with its $.50 Hamm's drafts. A pint of Hamm's set us back $2 at Biff's. The beer special was a tiny cup (same size as the $.50 Hamm's) of Coors Banquet for $1 (the bartender referred to it as "Colorado Kool-Aid"). The Vegas Club is still as trashy as ever with the same "construction" going on as has been going on for the last couple of years. So basically, nothing's going to get done there. I also don't think there is anyplace to eat at the Vegas Club, which is odd.