I'll start early - I mentioned before that we had breakfast before anyone started showing up. Jose, Mike, and I went to Hash House A-Go-Go downstairs at the Plaza and used a $10 off coupon. That made the prices reasonable, but the service left a lot to be desired. I hope I didn't already mention this because I'm too lazy to go back and check. I ordered some sort of "tractor" breakfast, which included a ginormous pancake, bacon, eggs, and potatoes. Ten minutes after I got my food, Jose got his breakfast of scrambled egg whites, potatoes, and toast. Ten minutes after that, Mike got his food, a ginormous skillet of corned beef hash. He was the only one to finish his meal.
After the way-too-long breakfast, we went upstairs and got into our swimsuits, drank a few presidentials (Bud Light Premium), and hit the pool, where we threw around a football and drank a few more beers. When we were done, we showered and walked across the street to the Plaza's neglected property, The Vegas Club (they have no plans of fixing it ever, from the looks of it) to enjoy $.50 Hamm's on tap.We ordered two each since they were pretty small. We settled into some slots and Kim and Jessie had both texted me to let me know that they were close, so I headed back to the Plaza to greet them. Mike and Jose wanted to keep gambling, so I left them and also took the opportunity to get some pizza from the place by the elevator since I'd been drinking since fairly early on (before 11am).
I can't remember the order in which people started showing up, but at some point, Ryan and Stephen joined us and Kat and Jess (nongiant) were also there. I remember we were over at the Vegas Club again with the giant fist beer koozies and posed for some pictures with them before heading back over to the Plaza (again for me) to get dressed up. After we all got dressed in our white trash finest, Gabe showed up just as we were about to leave, so Mike took him upstairs to outfit him in a spare wifebeater that Gabe paired nicely with some hideous red jeans. By the end of the night, he had rolled them up into capris.
I don't want to forget to mention that Kat and Jess (nongiant) took forever to get ready, as they were a couple of pregnant hookers. Jessie was also a hooker (not pregnant) and used a pair of Bubba teeth with braces as the best accessory of the night. At the end of the night, a guy on a streetcorner said, "Girl, let me see them teeth! Ooooooh, they're gonna look BEAUTIFUL when you get them braces off!" As we walked back down Fremont Street, she slowly smiled at passersby who all made horrified faces upon seeing her teeth (rude!).
Anyhoo, at some point during the night, Mike got super deucefaced. I finally thought to ask him when he last ate, and he told me, "well, I had breakfast!" It was also apparent only to me that Jose was also totally deucefaced. He's just slicker about it and only a few people can tell (me being one of them). He at least stopped at McDonald's and had a chicken sandwich.
We spent most of the night at El _ortez because they had karaoke (with the worst sound mixing ever), cheap black jack (with a dealer who loved us - we were there a few hours earlier), and a delightful baby powder and cigarette smell (pointed out by Ryan).
Sorry this is jumping back and forth, but there was a lot going on. I was wearing a beer holster full of Bud Lights that we were all drinking, and we had all stopped to get tallboys before we made the trek down Fremont Street to the shady neighborhood that houses El _ortez. We had all become separated at one point, with a decent amount of us finding each other at the Fitz (sorry, The D) McDonalds to get a little snack before we continued drinking.
Upon our arrival at El _ortez, it was apparent that all of the alcohol in Mike's system had suddenly hit him, so I pretty much just sat there and stared in amazement because he is hilarious to look at whilst drunk (he looks Don Knotts-esque). Also, here is Mike's lesser-known celebrity look-alike (followed by his two better-known celebrity look-alikes):
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| Brian McCann is the head writer for Conan. He plays lots of characters who look like drunk Mike. |
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| Seth Meyers, worst SNL head writer ever. |
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| BJ Novak, start of TV's The Office (producer, too) |
Mike was super deucefaced out of nowhere, and this bald security guard didn't want any of us in the "classy" bar (nothing is classy at El _ortez)...at least not until we got rid of the tallboys. I finished mine, but Stephen and Ryan used that as an excuse to lose millions (and millions) of dollars at the black jack table.
Kim sang Copacabana to start us off song-wise, then we did a fabulous duet of Ride Like the Wind (Christopher Cross featuring Michael McDonald). Jose (this is how I could tell he was drunk), sang Drive, by Incubus (eyes closed and totally into it). Mind you, this was shortly after Jose heckled some guy who was ruining Sweet Caroline. Right when it got quiet, Jose yelled out, "You're TERRIBLE!" and the whole bar turned around. He then blamed all of us, saying, "you all were saying it!" "Yes, but to each other, not to the entire bar!"
Anyhoo, Gabe sang Friends in Low Places and no one could hear him (or any of us when we sang, really) because the sound mix was so bad. Kat finished the WT show by singing Break on Through while a clearly (to me) drunk Jose screamed along, "BREAK ON THROUGH! BREAK ON THROUGH! BREAK ON THROUGH!" complete with intense stare (he later explained to me that he was focusing on the screen with the lyrics).
This whole time, Mike was super drunk and kept saying he wanted to go home, but we weren't going to let him walk by himself since he was so deucefaced. He kept saying he didn't want to ruin our night while I kept explaining that drunk Mike is hilarious, so he wasn't ruining anything. I suggested a taxi since he was insisting he was leaving alone, but then he got up to leave and fell into Kim's lap, hahaha. Jose was like, "I'm putting you in a cab." Mike's response was, "that is RIDICULOUS!!!" We made him wait until Kat finished her song, then we all made our way back to the Plaza.
When Mike woke up the next day, he was trying to have a conversation with me, but I couldn't look at him with a straight face because his teeth were still blacked out from the night before.
I'm sure I missed a lot, so I will wait for Kat, Mike, Jessie, Gabe, and/or someone else to fill in the blanks. For the record, because I ate, I was not so deucefaced that I don't remember stuff! There was a lot going on, and I spent a lot of time greeting revelers at the hotel while there was other drinking and gambling going on.
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